Ive been thinking about my project and the direction I want to go with it. I tend to leave things open ended and I think I do that so that I dont get stuck doing something I dont want to do or maybe because Im really interested in a lot of things. Whatever the case Ive been holding out on pinpointing a certain direction for my project until the last minute, which is the day before I need to have a direction figured out, so today! And my latest insight into the things Ive been doing has to do with a memorial, at least I think.
I had a conversation with my mom, which is to say that I said a couple things and the rest of the hour and a half sitting at the dinner table was filled with my mom talking about me and my dad and herself and how Ive impacted her life and how alike my dad is and sort of changing the subject? maybe? But it was interesting. Most of the time when I talk with my mom, I feel like she doesnt quite understand what Im saying and is sort of seeing things at face value, even though she tries to look "deeper" as she would say, into things and she thinks she does. Not sure if she really sees things so differently than other people, but in any case she sure thinks the world of me, which is pretty neat. She was saying how my generation is going to change things and is going to be a good generation, and she kept saying how exceptional I am and she seemed to be talking as if I was going to lead the charge. She always seems to think that Im going to do something big or something like that. Not sure. But I was curious if I could use any of what I got from that conversation for my project and something about making an impression on people, and maybe on oneself is what I sort of got a focus on, and how that relates to my project.
I feel as though what Im doing now is all basically a look back at when I was younger, and a way to try and learn about myself. I also feel that the things I did as a kid were about leaving an impression of myself for the future, but it was mainly an impression for myslef. I said before that Ive done a lot of things with other people in mind, people who I dont even know yet, like my children or my future wife or maybe my future grand kids, friends and family in the future, maybe a future employer, almost anyone I might come in contact with. But the image that comes to mind when I think about the future, at least the one I can remember having when I was yonger, is of me as an older man in my room, alone in an empty house, or if not empty, then in my room by myself with family in the other room or in the kitchen or something. I started doing things so that I could be more independent from my possessions and able to leave at a moments notice, also free from other people. And yet I did all of these things with other people in mind, but I always saw myself as being alone in the future. Im not sure what that all means quite yet, but it brought the idea of a memorial for myself to myself in the future. Maybe also a memorial for my future self? probably not though. But really Im not sure. I know that the idea of creating a memorial is where I want to go. Or at least what Im thinking and is what is now standing out to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment