what is happening? things have just sucked lately. i dont really know what it is, well thats not true i kinda do know, but whatever, stuff sucks lately.

anyway, ive been outside all the time lately, installing windows and it gets cold out there. i enjoy the winter though. sometimes when im out there i wonder how people could want it warmer, which is wierd cause its been about 2o degrees or so. i guess im just getting used to it. also my hand looks neat typing this now. the only light in the room is from the puter and its just dramatic lighting for my hand to type by.

speaking of hands, i saw a cool pair of hands today. i took a lead safety course and now im certified. well there was a guy there who was also taking the course and he was awesome looking. he had a beard that sorta hung from his face, his hair was kinda parted in the middle and later i noticed that although he seemed to have a lot of hair, it was kind of thining. his hair was slightly long, not to his sholders, but curled up under his ears and he was pretty thin and short. he had a very friendly face and his voice was incredibley calm and innocently coloquial. he had big eyes, a rather large nose, and long eye lashes, and i realized sometime in the day, i had just been thinking about this guy doing stuff, as if i was imagining him in a movie or something. i wanted him to be an actor or something. i just thought he had great potential for a character, or maybe he just seemed like he would be a great guy to be friends with. i dont know what it was but i started to relate him to a work of art and different definitions of art that ive heard before. he reminded me of something i had heard about why art is art and what makes art art.

apparently art is supposed to invoke a feeling, something that moves you. It supposed to be something that cant quite be explained but something you just feel, i suppose. i dont really know about this. i like to be able to explain things in words often, even if i dont often explain myself, so im not so sure about this definition of art. but seeing this guy almost made me laugh inside, cause he reminded me of that definition. and it made me think of another thing that i remember thinking about art. about how i feel that art, even if it isnt intentional, tends to be produced so that people can simply come together, and thats about it. there art the categories that art often falls under of course, politics, art about art, the zeitgeist of the time. most of the time, an artist is interested in how the public will view what it is they have to say through art, and it brings people together to discuss it, even if they are just brought together to disgree, they are at least coming together. there are always the artists who just produce work for themselves, because they feel like they have to make something regardless if anyone will see it. i admit i do this often, most of my music is this way. but for some reason this man made me think of that.

anyway, he reminded me of a work of art, however i heard that it is not very permissable to refer to non art objects as art, because it takes away from the meaning of the object and even more to the word. its like this friend i had who used to call everything beautiful. that wasnt the only word he would use to describe something but he did use it almost everytime he was talking about something. it agrivated me because i felt that if he really thought something was beautiful, he might try for a more eloquent and unique description of the object, because he had started to lessen the importance of the word beautiful. if everything fell under that word to him, then to be beautiful wasnt so special anymore.

so maybe this guy was just neat looking. whatever it was, i think i am the weirdest person you know. and by you i mean me cause im the only one who reads what i write. soooooo, im the wierdest person i know, becuase i thought about this guy all day, drew his hands and his profile, and at the end of the day told him that i painted and drew and asked if i could take his picture on my phone. so i took a picture of a man named shannon today. his name was shannon.

other than that im trying to be up beat about stuff and have fun, but its just not coming all that easy to me. and ive been writing songs and stupid stuff like a maniac. i sorta miss hanging out with people and friends. i went to caz the past couple of weekends and had a lot of fun but sorta blew that. o well, ill keep making songs about the same stuff and watching...the oc...online. yep, thats what im doin.

art art do art

cant even write anything. dammit

what the hell is wrong with me. trying to take a sigh of relief but relief never comes

writing

welp im at it again i spose. holy mac afore i talk about writing, i went to caz!

visited caz again this past weekend. alberts, the local and just about only bar in town is closing and there was a little getogether for it. it ended up being a lot littler than expected.
well kyle decided to go to caz on friday and i was thinking about going, but i didnt want to invit myself to stay anywhere, so i was kind of unsure about going. but saturday morning kyle called and said he was coming to pick me up. i couldnt argue.

i walked around a bunch with kyle when we got there and it was nice walking around with my freshman room mate, just talking about the same stuff kyle usually talks about. we walked passed our freshman room window, went to visit his cousin who is an ra (he wasnt there, we talked with his girlfriend for a bit) and recalled all of the places we've been on campus that most people havent and the goonies adventures we'd taken. o yeah, then i went and got some clay from south campus. and im not aprehensive at all about putting that down cause no one reads this, so it wont get back to anyone. i think im just saying that so i can write whatever i want without interference of a possible reader. someone reading my blog, ha! its a joke i tell.

well then he took the clay and went back to the apts where we were staying and i went to go visit some people. i played guitar for a bit with some friends or maybe for a friend rather. it was nice cause i havent been playing at all and i was feeling kinda crummy about it. well anyway i went back to the apts and saw a bunch of people i missed. it was nice being there. somehow they do a very good job of making us feel welcome there. kyle and i went to the alberts event and there were only a handful of people who showed up for it. we left after awhile and went back to the apts and danced around a bunch. the whole night ended up being pretty fun. we all went back to the bar for karaoke and i saw some people who came back to say so long to alberts. shoot im not sure if i really feel like writing about the night in detail but there were some things that stood out that just made me melt. i think its nothing really, but whatever, it felt great.

darn. anyway, i ended up sleeping on a couch even though i think there mighta been an air mattress for me. in the morning we went to brunch and it was the first time ive been in the cafe for a while. i had the same thing i always had when i used to get breakfast, yogurt and cottage cheese and pineapple. yep its weird but whatever. we hung out some more aaaaaaand then left. there were a bunch of little things of course that happened that i could probably write novels about, but thats cause im dumb.

anyhootnany, ive been writing kind of a lot lately. the other night at dinner i had a sudden thought in my head about a song and wrote it in my phone. i tried figuring out something on the guitar and couldnt quit get it. i kind of found something that was working and then something neat happened which happens sometimes and its awesome when it does. i have these little chord progressions that i play that are really short but pretty catchy and i like them. well sometimes when im making a song they just seem to fit in with what im playing and this time i think i hit the jackpot in a way.

i have this little diddy i play that sounds very neat. but playing it with the other little diddy i just made up it sounds so much better. i dont know what it is but its great. and i started writing lyrics. they are a bit melodramatic but thats how i write sometimes. its not as if everything is 100% accurate, but it makes for a good song sometimes.

im reaching over oceans but i dont know how to swim
the light that shines on what was us is starting now to dim
now my only inspirations are the things i never said
im left in pangs of hunger from the things u never fed

what a sound what a sound
its in my mind now
what a sound what a sound
all in due time

in silence there u crept to me wishing on a well
i dont recall what i wished for then but now id go through hell
i see u watching from the stands is it me your hear to see
im treading in my murkey thoughts howd the water get so deep

i see my father yell at me
what did i do now
i was born just like he
and its the same sound

i see your name in flashing lights its the fuel that keeps me warm
your the shelter from my rumbling thoughts the calming of the storm
through the streets and off to class fading memories soon to pass
whislting at your window but the sound it just wont last

a conscience that he cant outrun
where did my time go
what happened to the games and fun
the sound goes down now

ill sing her dreams of concrete love, cherry blossom skies
ill tell her what comes over me when she looks into me eyes
just speak a single word to me its all i long to hear
the sound of your voice so sweet is the only thing thats clear

a pit of passion in the room
beneath the sky light
an artist rendering of you
lost in hindsight

what a sound what a sound
in my mind now
what a sound what a sound

i think ive been going a little crazy lately. been acting sort of dramatic. well not really acting it, but it would seem so by the stuff ive been writing. and more little things. anyway, i think that song is called what a sound. i was working on another song that im thinking of calling never greener. after writing most of it, it reminded me of another bag of bones. not as good obviously, well probably not good at all actually.